This past week was my first week back to 'normal' (however you define it) and it was wonderful (as wonderful as it can be when you haven't won the lottery yet and have to work a 9-5 job.) I mean, sure there were the daily ups and downs of life...but overall, I feel really free...and slightly regretful that I didn't cut the cord sooner. I forgot what it was like to enjoy an evening run along the coast. I couldn't remember what it was like to leisurely browse the aisles at Trader Joe's and cook something more than a baked potato on a weeknight (don't worry - baked potatoes are still very much a part of my nightly dinner rotation.) I have time for a leisurely glass of wine or two and can still easily wake up the next day since I don't have to leave my house until 7:40.
I'm not sure I will ever be 100% at peace with quitting the job. I miss working in that field. I liked having that connection with my community and I still can't think of a cooler job to have. I wonder if I should have held on a bit longer and I worry that I blew a big opportunity. That being said, nothing (and I do mean nothing) compares to running on a dirt trail, inhaling the sea breeze (and dirt) and stopping to enjoy the endless ocean views.
If I'm being 100% honest, the thing I miss the most is the additional paycheck. It's scary to lose so much income and I'm a bit nervous for the coming months. I know that if I'm careful, I'll be just fine (but the problem right now? I'm having too much fun catching up on life and spending too much money doing so) I'm actually in a much, much better position now than I was a few months ago, even if the actual disposable income is less.
The biggest change in my life since quitting? I'm actually feeling happy and content. Certainly not perfect, but much better than I've been in a long time. I may need to keep reminding myself that having less money and feeling content is so much better than working myself to death to buy things I can't afford to try to make myself happy (I still contend that money is an important factor in happiness though.)
I'm determined to focus on throwing myself into my full time job and enjoying all the interests and hobbies that I've put on the back burner for so long - reading, sewing, writing, puzzling, cooking, container gardening...and of course, watching my beloved (though less so these days) reality TV. I'm hoping that other opportunities open up eventually, but for now I think I'm fine just coasting and enjoying a slower pace of life.
Heck, normally I'd be racing around on Sunday, trying to accomplish all my cooking, cleaning, packing and prep for the week while trying to fit in a workout and maybe grocery shopping and a quick lunch with friends. Now? I'm still in pajamas at 2:00, enjoying multiple cups of coffee and contemplating the rest of my day (I suppose I should go to the gym, clean and do laundry...but all I really want to do is lounge and drink beer...or wine...or whiskey.)
I believe my last blog posts were all about quitting the job and equating it to being in a relationship that no longer works. It's really difficult to see things clearly when you're in the midst of it. However, now that I'm standing on the other side, I can see that I was more afraid of 'letting go' and 'being alone' than I put up with more than I should have for much longer than I should have. Hopefully I've learned my lesson on that for good.
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