Today marks the start of my last week of being 33. It also marks the start of my last week in my early 30s. As of next Sunday, I will officially cross the threshold into my mid-thirties...and I'm not happy about it. At all. This feels much worse than turning 30. So much worse. I'd gladly turn 30 a hundred times over to not feel the way I feel now.
Turning 30 wasn't actually so bad, most likely because I was in the middle of moving and about to start a new job. I spent all of 29 dreading 30, but the day passed without sadness or tears. Basically, I spent a whole year in misery over something that wasn't a big deal at all. 31 came...then 32 and I was mostly fine. Sure, I wasn't where I thought I'd be, but thanks to a fairly severe bout of depression in my late 20s, anything was better. I don't think I was thrilled over 33, but I had an awesome birthday week so I'm not sure I really noticed (this birthday isn't panning out quite as nicely - you win some, you lose some.) The rest of the year was a bit of a roller coaster ride (when is life not one big, giant roller coaster?) but it had more ups than downs and I'm thankful for that.
33 was the year I finally feel like I got my shit together (for the most part, anyway.) Yes, my career is a hot mess, but I finally figured out that I'll likely never be fulfilled by my career and early retirement is my ultimate goal - my job is just something I have to do to bide my time and save as much money as possible. I left a part-time job that was no longer healthy for me and my full-time job, while not my dream job, is stable and I'm lucky that 89% of my coworkers are awesome. I'm also incredibly lucky to have great benefits (even if the pay blows for the uber-high cost of living in the area.) I like what I do and don't mind doing it every day (even if I'm sometimes bored and frustrated by it.)
33 is also the year I finally got my financial shit together. I've been consistently saving for retirement since I was 22 and am now contributing roughly 12% of my income. I'm finally at the point where my passive income (aka, interest and dividends) is upwards of $500 per month. Not to shabby at a time where the stock market is behaving like an unpredictable, possessed toddler. I also finally started contributing 15-20% of my income into my emergency fund and I sleep so much better at night because of it. I should have 3.5-4 months of expenses saved by the end of March - this is a number I never imagined I could hit a few years ago. If I keep going at this rate, I'll hopefully have enough saved to buy a certified, pre-owned Camry in cold hard cash in the next year or two and still have a full 6-12 month emergency fund (I'll have to post about my love for the Toyota Camry soon) I'm also hoping to have a good chunk of student loan debt gone as well.
I also got to take an amazing road-trip with my sister before she moved half-way across the world. While I will likely always be a California girl, and, more specifically, a Central Coast girl, the road trip opened up a world of possibility. I never saw myself EVER living in any of the southern states, but the trip showed me that I totally could and the Central Coast of California isn't the only awesome place to be. I'm not sure what the future holds, but now that my bank account is more padded, I feel good about following my heart/dreams to another place, if need be.
I also adopted two kitties and while they are kind of assholes right now (cuddly, super-cute assholes) with their nocturnal playtimes and furniture wrecking abilities, they make me so, SO happy. It's so hard to be sad or angry when they're around. I love them so much it hurts to leave them to go to work (yes, I am a crazy cat lady, in case you were wondering.) They make me so happy.
So, yeah, 33 was pretty good. Not perfect, but pretty darn good - better than I've experienced in a long time. Given that the first few years of my 30s were good (note to late 20-somethings - you don't wake up with a boatload of wrinkles and grey hair on your 30th birthday) you wouldn't think that 34 would be a struggle. However, I've spent the last few years waiting for the other shoe to drop...and it's safe to say it finally did.
Yes, I have some awesome things planned (Chicago Marathon and saving more money, just to name a few) and I know I'm not going to wake up all haggard with my AARP card and a cane in hand come Sunday morning, but I'm still having a hard time and I'm not sure how to shake it. I guess as much as life improved in my early 30s, it's hard not to feel like things are still missing and sometimes I wonder when it gets easier - seriously...is it my turn to have things fall into place? When can I expect life to throw me a bone? I also wonder when I'll finally start feeling like an adult. Sigh.
All I can say is thank God kids aren't really a factor for me (I'm 95% sure I don't want any) because I'd really be in the middle of breakdown if that was the case (in addition to my career being a hot mess, my non-existent love life is also what I consider to be a hot mess...is there a status on FB for that?) Even so, I'm still struggling with this transition and wouldn't mind staying 33 for a few more years.
I'm hoping that I don't have any major life changes this year because I really don't want to derail marathon training or my emergency fund momentum...but who knows what the future holds? I guess it's time to put the other shoe away, because I really, REALLY hate clutter (this may be the dumbest, cheesiest thing I've EVER posted. I'm honest-to-God judging myself right now.)
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