WrAbCrThFo

So, last November there was all that 'thankfulness' stuff going around on Facebook and Twitter and I pretty much ignored it...and vowed to never participate in it because it all felt so trite and honestly? Pretty fake. Most people are thankful for their family, friends, animals, car, home, etc...is it necessary to post it in a public forum? Are you looking for gold stars or an award for all the unicorns, glitter and rainbows you find in your life?

However, I'm feeling more optimistic (as well as grateful and thankful) this year, so, why not? While I won't post stuff like that on FB or Twitter (FB is for mostly for my rants and stupid things I end up doing and twitter is mostly...running and rants...but it's hard to remember because I haven't been on twitter much lately...but you can read all the blow-by-blow action at @lizzieruns) But my new little blog might be just the place. It may also help me get back into the swing of writing and just generally make me pay more attention to the things going on in my life (if I had more time I would totally do NaNoWriMo, but I can tell you right now that it's not going to happen...but hopefully one day, because somehow geting something I wrote classified in the Library of Congress is on the bucket list...I have a few papers published on open-source websites from grad school, but that doesn't really count.)

Anyway, I'd like to blog about things I'm thankful for in November...but that may be tricky. You see, there are many people/things in my life that I'm so thankful for and I couldn't picture my life without them (many times, they have been the saving grace in the story of my life) but I'm not sure I'm super-comfortable blogging about it/them and I'm also not sure they want to be blogged about. Also, while there is so much beauty in life, I tend to be on the 'the glass is obviously half-empty you douche' side things and sometimes have trouble expressing honest, real feelings without using sarcasm as a defense mechanism of sorts.

So, who knows what will come of this. Don't be surprised if you see a post about how I'm thankful for gummy bears and/or yoga pants. But don't be surprised if I somehow randomly spill my guts on the interwebs (but hopefully not too much...)

November - the month I'm Writing About Crap I'm Thankful For (or, WrAbCrThFo)

Even though I have three hours until I have to write about being thankful for stuff, I am really thankful that a few people are brave enough to keep reading this thing. It isn't the deepest, most profound blog, but I'm having fun with it (even if it is a little 'dear diary') and it helps me get out of my own head a bit...and that's good enough for me right now.

Hallow-o-hell-no

Halloween is among my least favorite holidays. In fact, I think I'd rate it only slightly higher than New Year's Eve/Day (my hatred of that holiday is a post for another time, but there's always so much pressure to do something awesome and it's always a huge letdown.) Anyway, it's not that I'm against Halloween, but the holiday doesn't really do anything for me. I believe the last time I actively celebrated Halloween was when I was 20 and dressed up as Anna Nicole Smith (that costume? beyond EPIC...and complete with a jar of pickles and stuffed dog...how could I possibly go wrong?) I'm simultaneously relieved and disappointed that no photographic evidence exists, at least, not to my knowledge

While I always celebrated Halloween as a kid (my mom almost always sewed fancy costumes and I never wore a store bought costume) I never fully got into it the way everyone else did. Yes, free candy was awesome, but I always thought it was a lot of work (I mean, my parents had a bowl full of candy they were giving out at home...why couldn't I just take that?) and I always felt slightly ridiculous dressing up, even as a child. More than anything, Halloween signaled the start of the Holiday Season and it was a nice reminder that Thanksgiving and Christmas were right around the corner (my favorite holidays! Especially Thanksgiving.)

Maybe I would feel differently if I had children and had a reason to be excited (admittedly, I do enjoy seeing pictures of everyone's kids on Facebook) but I just can't bring myself to get in to it. In fact, I was super-relived that my optometrist appointment got moved to this morning, as it meant I could skip the Halloween potluck at work. 

My favorite anti-Halloween rant comes from my favorite author, Jen Lancaster. I'm too lazy to locate it at the moment, but she feels the same way I do and she has a hard time taking adults in costumes seriously...I've already experienced it twice today with the pink bunny administering my tests at the optometrist (I'd kind of prefer if people assisting with medical-related matters didn't dress up) and the half-dressed "warrior" ringing up my zzzquill at Walmart.

Halloween is more than halfway over and I can't say I'm sad about it. My plans for the rest of the day? A massage (working more on my injured leg,) a nap and some kind of alcoholic beverage. Only 364 more days until I have to deal with this again.

Meetings: none of is is as dumb as all of us

Heading into hour three of the most boring, useless meeting ever. I hate going to meetings with no purpose. I've given up trying to follow along, so I'm providing you, my dear readers, with a list of activities I'd rather be doing.

(1.) have a public pelvic exam in Times Square 

(2.) watch a 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' marathon

(3.) watch Star Wars

(4.) scrub toilets

(5.) hug a cactus

(6.) hold a screaming baby

(7.) have lunch with a scary clown

(8.) wear socks with sandals (actually, I might not be able to follow thru with this)

(9.) eat an egg (not sure I could do this without vomiting...but it would still be better than this meeting.)

(10.) go a week without deodorant 

(11.) share a bed with a spider

(12.) break up a kangaroo fight

I think it's almost over..shit, maybe not

(13.) go without coffee for a week

(14.) listen to Kanye in all his Yeezus glory on repeat, with REM in the background

It's FINALLY over.

Post meeting additions

(15.) Eat olives
(16.) Sweat to the Oldies with Richard Simmons

Office attire

Business casual at its finest (in semi-related news, my hair is astronomically large today.) 

So, these exist

Because nothing says "Happy Halloween" quite like a herpes pumpkin with funky testicles.

I can't believe I actually just posted that

Someone has a case of the Sundays

Sundays give me the sads. Even though I might have the day off, I often spent the whole entire day focused on the fact that the next day will be Monday and the whole cycle would start over again and Friday feels like an eternity away. I've pretty much felt that way my entire life.

As a kid, it always depressing to know that I'd be spending the majority of my day doing homework and I'd have to go to bed early. As a teen, I often spent Sunday working (at a Danish bakery no less...although the tips were amazing.) and just generally dreading school the next day (and I had school night curfew to deal with as well.) College may have been the one time I didn't mind Sunday so much (but I was probably way too hungover most Sundays to care about anything other than getting bacon in my system...or soy sausage when I was a vegetarian.)

Now, as a working adult, I still find Sundays to be somewhat depressing. At the moment they are typically my one day off a week, so on the one hand, I love them. There's something so relaxing about drinking coffee in bed until noon. On the other, I often find myself trying to cram so many things in that Sunday just ends up being exhausting - I need to clean (I'm pretty militant about scrubbing my bathroom once a week and changing my sheets, doing laundry and all that jazz,) go to the gym, try to finish whatever display I'm working on for the library and cook for lunches and dinners during the week. I also usually try to fit in lunches with friends because it's the one day I can do it (bless their hearts, they are really understanding when I have to flake...I really love them!)

Working from home on Mondays has nicely eliminated some of the Sunday sadness and I've been making an effort lately to go out and do fun things on Sundays (wine tasting, for example.) I'm finding that I really do need to do something fun to regain my sanity a bit and ease in to the next week (I also realize that I'm very, very lucky to have two jobs, when many people can't find one...so really, this whole post is just a giant wine fest.)

Today's agenda includes a trip to Target, Trader Joe's and BevMo (and possibly Costco, but Costco on a Sunday is like taking a trip to the seventh layer of hell.) Today's agenda also includes bacon (can't go wrong with that...although I feel really guilty eating it. More on that another time.) I also need to unpack and do a boat-load of laundry and watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion (yes, I watch reality TV and I don't care what anyone thinks...I do feel the need to say that I draw the line at the Kardashians though. UGH!) 

Oh, and I really, really need to wash my car (I can hardly see out the windows a this point.) Funny side story: I took my car to Best Buy the other day to look into a new stereo (I have the shitty factory installed one and I can't connect my phone/iPod to it...I commute 10 hours a week in the middle of nowhere...and sometimes can't get a single station to come in clearly.) Anyway, they had to come out and look at my car to see what the panel looked like and I found myself apologizing for how dirty my car was. The guy helping me was all, "you're just doing your part!" (I'm assuming the meant because of the drought.) Ha! This stranger totally overestimated me! The real reason my car isn't washed -(well, aside from being out of town for a week.) Car washes intimidate me. It's not the going through the actual car wash (what most people seem to be afraid of,) it's figuring out which line to go in, having someone pre-wash the car, trying to get my tires in the correct position to go into the car wash. It's enough to make me want to take a Xanax (and it's why my car is typically dirty..note to self: Self, while black cars look great when they're clean, they are impossible to keep clean. Stick with white. Or silver.)

For whatever reason, I feel like today is going to be a really good day, although it's probably going to fly by, as good days often do.

On a side note, I miss my spending my Sunday mornings with my crabby old lady. I'm pretty sure she thought the sole purpose of my existence was to stay in bed all day and pet her.

Keeping the ass out of assertive

I tend to avoid confrontation like the plague. While a lot of things annoy the ever-loving shit out of me, I generally tend not to say anything. Why make a mountain out of a molehill? How far will it really get me? Why spend an hour hashing something out when I'll probably be over it by then? (well, more to come on that aspect of it.) I really don't want to be "that person." I would rather let things pass in a peaceful way. Assertive is not my middle name.

And seriously, we all know at least one person who loves to get confrontational/say something about everything. Nothing is ever their fault, it's always someone else who is the problem. And those people? Are impossible to be around for the long term. It takes so much time and energy to be around them that you stop coming around; you stop commenting on their facebook posts (but you still find the time to roll your eyes at each and every single complaint; at least, I seem to find the time for it.) You avoid them at social gatherings and if you find yourself in a conversation with them anyway, you nod your head and look for the first chance to excuse yourself from the crazy.

The thing is, while avoiding confrontation is generally a good thing, I wonder how much the silence holds me back. I know of at least one relationship that ended partly because I could never really speak up about what was bothering me. I always expected (well, wanted) them to figure it out without me having to spoon-feed it to them (of course, it probably ended in part because they were/probably still are kind of a douche.) In my head I was always like, "how can you not know that it's not okay!!??? How is this not obvious??!!" It's kind of hard to keep up a romantic relationship when the trust isn't even there to say how you feel in the first place.

And it's not just relationships, it's my career too - I've really learned in the last year that I have to learn to be assertive and be bold in order to keep my head above water. I'm getting better, I suppose, but there's a really fine line between being assertive and being rude (or whiny.) I've finally figured out in one of my jobs that my boss will either be annoyed with me because I did the wrong thing, or because I did nothing about a situation at all. I think it's safe to say that it's better to make a hard and fast decision and have it be wrong than be wishy-washy about it.  Really, at the end of the day, I'm not important enough to make the entire empire come crumbling down from one wrong decision (I'm not trying to be self-depreciating here, it's just that neither of my jobs really entail life-or-death decisions, so it's okay to be wrong.)

The funny thing is that my mouth got me into trouble more than once in my teens (and probably early 20s) I didn't get detention or sent to the principal's office often, but when I did, it was because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I know of at least one teacher who gave me a B+ instead of the A I earned, simply because I talked back (and possibly questioned his authority a bit...he really didn't appreciate that...and he probably would have given me a much lower grade if he could have)

I'm not sure exactly what changed and why. Maybe the stakes got higher when I realized I had to support myself financially and I couldn't afford to mouth off to my bosses. Maybe it was in the years following my dad's death when I just felt angry and lost and lost the will to speak up. I dunno...I just know that I used to be a lot more bold and I want to have a bit of that spark back. The good news is that I find that the older I get, the less I care what people think, so I may be headed in the right direction. Many of the people I admire (my sister, my favorite author, etc.) are assertive in all the right ways and I admire them because they aren't afraid to say what they need to say while coming across as strong and intelligent (and not whiny and annoying.) I'm working towards getting there one day.

Names

I just want to say that the reason I chose the "unclassified life" as the name of my blog was partly because I wasn't really sure what I wanted to write about and partly because I love all things library-related and indexing and classification are a HUGE part of the library world.

That being said, I just realized that I haven't been tagging/indexing any of my posts. Go freaking figure (I'll get on that soon!)

Hotel papers part two

I lived alone for three years and absolutely loved it - I know some people might go crazy, but I found it was really peaceful (minus my neighbor playing video games in surround sound...and his penchant for doing plyometrics at all hours of the day...although I about died when he blasted Color me Badd one day...it's hard to be mad when "I want to sex you up" is blaring through your walls...sadly, I think I know all the words to that song...anyway...) So, living alone = good. However, traveling alone = bad (please remind me of this in two weeks when my mother and I will be flying together and staying in the same hotel room for a week...bless her heart, she's my favorite person in the world, but I'm not sure if I see this ending well)

It's only day two and I'm already feeling antsy and I would love someone to talk to (although, I could do without small talk in the elevator...so awkward. Listen up people, it's totally ok to ride 30 seconds in silence, I promise I'm not offended.) I guess I could call someone, but I'm not really in the mood to talk on the phone. I have three more nights of this, so hopefully I hold up without going too crazy. Now would usually be the time I would usually go to the gym.

In lieu of the hotel gym (since working out is banned right now) and hotel bar (I didn't feel like changing out of yoga pants,) I decided to drink champagne in a can and eat some of the 3.83 pounds of gummy bears I bought the other day (what you're seeing here is only about 1.75 pounds) alone in my room. Classy, no? Also? I'm super glad I decided to bring two pairs of yoga pants. 

That's all for now - my 24 hours of internet is about to expire and I don't really know if I want to keep writing about gummy bears and yoga pants (I'm planning on writing more meaningful things in the future.) Thankfully, tomorrow's hotel has free wi-fi (it's also across the street from a Habit...I see a burger with extra pickles in my future.) 

Hotel papers

• If I don’t write this blog entry in bullet points, it’s probably not going to happen at all. For some reason bullet points seem much less daunting than paragraphs. Sad, I know…but the whole point of this blog is to have an outlet and right now, I have a lot to say and can’t seem to organize my thoughts beyond a bullet point

• I’m traveling for work right now and I’m a bit nervous about what I have to accomplish this week. I’ve done it before, but it’s a little out of my comfort zone and it usually takes a day or so for me to get back into the swing of things. I don’t get to hide behind my computer this week and I’m usually much more of a “behind the scenes” kind of girl

• Speaking of traveling, I always joke that the person who works in Transportation Services hates me, because I usually get stuck with a clunker. One of my most comical experiences was from a somewhat local trip (150 miles or so.) I had to drive a gold 1999 Ford Taurus. Oh. My. Word. It was a death trap – it shook when it got to 60 mph and really couldn’t go past 65 mph, even when I floored it - semi trucks passing me on the freeway (totally not safe.) I also remember having to pull over for 10-15 minutes to let the car cool off since it was overheating. I probably should have called AAA, but I tend to be a bit macho about those kinds of things and figured I could get it back in once piece (plus it would have been way more hassle than it was worth…the government makes everything take ten times longer than it needs to take.) Last year I got stuck with a Malibu that felt like a tank and had zero visibility…the driver side door also didn’t like to unlock and I had to unlock it from the passenger side. The “check engine” light kept going on and off during the third day of my trip and continued until I made it home

• This year’s car (a Hyundai Elantra) is okay – it’s not something I would pick for myself, but it’s by far the best car I’ve had for work – the visibility is a bit off, but I realized on my way down that I need new contacts/glasses and I really, really, need to learn how to use my side mirrors. I also heart the XM radio in it. 90s/2000s jams? Yes, please!!!

• Yes, I never learned how to use my side mirrors when I learned how to drive – I remember it drove my dad crazy (he’s primarily the one who taught me how to drive...I still hear lectures about it in my head, but truth be told, it’s comforting at this point.) Yes, I really, really should know how to use them. But, here’s the thing – you’re supposed to look over your shoulder for blind spots anyway, right? Why bother with the side mirror if I have to look before I change lanes? I mean, I use it sometimes, but I feel like I can’t fully rely on it

• I’m really missing my dad right now. It would have been his 68^th birthday on the 13^th… I really don’t have much else to say on this (well, I do…I just don’t feel the need to blog about it…I’m trying to keep it as light as possible at the moment)

• I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m glad the weekend is over – I nearly had a meltdown trying to pack and get things done for my second job. My house was in a state of disarray and I was generally in a bad mood…I felt really overwhelmed. I’m not allowed to run or workout right now (usually my cure for feeling overwhelmed) so I made a to-do list and a packing list and suddenly all was right with the world again. I got the important stuff done and I’m trying not to stress about the smaller things. God bless to-do lists. God bless lists in general (I realize that Jesus probably has better things to worry about than my to-do lists…but still)

• I got my craft on and made 6 book pumpkins this morning. I have to say they turned out pretty bad-ass. They were a lot more time consuming than I expected, but I don’t like half-assing things (well, I half-ass stuff all the time, but I don’t like to half-ass library stuff.) I hope they look awesome in the display…and I hope we reuse them next year, because I don’t plan on doing this again. Also? Where has spray paint been all my life??!! I had way, way, way too much fun spray painting the pumpkins orange and coating them in gold glitter (I’m sure the paint fumes weren't helping.) I now know why graffiti exists – it’s so much fun (my main complaint about graffiti? If you’re gonna do it, could you at least make it legible and understandable? I don’t know what SHORTBY56GUTZ means.) The world might be a better place of people used glitter paint in their graffiti creations. Martha Stewart would totally approve

• I miss running and working out – thanks to my injury from last week’s half marathon, I’m not supposed to run, swim or walk excessively for the next 4-6 weeks. My leg is in pain and it’s bothering me all day every day, but working out is my stress relief…I love running more than anything. I have a rocky and complicated history with running, but it’s been a life saver for me and I can’t picture my life without it. It’s gotten me through some really, really, rough patches in my life. On a vain note, I feel like I’ve gained 10 pounds (probably not possible, my pants all fit normally and I don’t weigh myself anyway….what can I say, I’m crazy)

• I got to meet my friends baby today – he’s not even two weeks old…he’s so, so, so, so cute and tiny. However, I’m not gonna lie babies scare me and they seem so fragile. Any parent will tell you that they’re not as fragile as you think they are, but I’m still terrified that I’ll break the baby. Scary stuff. Reason 1032 why I probably won’t have kids. Don’t get me wrong, I like kids and babies are adorable, but I could just see myself being the annoying, worry-wart, helicopter parent (on a side note, I do much better with babies in the infant and toddler stage…not nearly as scary J )

• I’m not sure how it got to be so late, but I should probably get ready for bed now…would it be weird to just order coffee and bacon for room service tomorrow morning? Because that sounds positively delightful right now

Here I go again on my own

I've started multiple blogs over the years, but I've never been able to blog consistently. Life always seems to get in the way (and blogging is pretty low on my priority list) and I always felt constrained and the things I felt comfortable actually posting were pretty boring. Like, did anyone really need to know that I ran 13 miles, ate a potato and took an ice bath while drinking beer to stay warm? No. Does anyone really care about my family/personal issues (well some people might, but it's certainly not something I want to have living forever on the interwebs, as the interwebs never forget!) I also always felt like my blogs never really had a focus - was it about running? money? family? If I couldn't figure it out, why would anyone else want to?

I came to the conclusion recently that it just doesn't matter - I just want to write. I know I'm not the best writer, but I need an outlet and I'd love to have a personal record/journal of my life (boring though it may be at times.) I have no clue what I'll write about or what direction this will take, or if I'll even stick with it,  but it just feels right at the moment. I'm not going to really worry about what I post and I'm just going to go with the flow (ha! just typing that is funny, because I'm not really the most easy-going person.) Heck, I don't even know if anyone will actually read this (or if I even want them to...)

All I know is that it feels good to put my fingers to the keyboard (why does that sound creepy and slightly...pornographic? Is it just me?)  I'm not exactly sure what may come out, but I'm trying to let go and have fun with it. Cliche as it is, life is short and the years are flying by. You know how you look at an old picture of yourself and you're all "how did I ever think I was fat/ugly/that outfit was a good idea and why didn't I appreciate the way I looked then? Because I'd give anything to have it back" Yeah, I don't want to look at my life that way anymore...so here I go again.