Still looking up

I always joke about how I hate to talk about my feelings in person and how much I dislike the "unicorns, glitter, rainbows, and touchy-feely" events of life...yet, all I seem to do on this blog is whine about my feelings. It's kind of a risky thing to talk about, and really, I certainly don't put it all out there. However, when I started blogging, I just wanted to write and have some kind of outlet...what I didn't expect was to go through a rough patch and start blogging about depression.

I know I never got too deep into it...but I kind of cringe when I look at some of the posts and wonder if it's something I really want on the interwebs. It's kind of weird to have a record (however vague and brief it may be) of when things started to change for me. Honestly, I don't even know what I'm getting at in this post so far...I guess I just needed to get it out. Obviously, this is just a tiny blog that not too many people actually read...so I guess it doesn't matter too much....but it still feels weird and I'm still not sure why I keep writing in it.

The good news is that things are looking up. I really started feeling better around Christmas, and, for the most part, things keep getting better. Obviously nobody has a perfect day every day and stuff always happens, but there's something about changing over to a new year that gives a "clean slate" feeling to life. It's interesting to me that some arbitrary day makes things better. I can't describe it, but I swear to God, the clock hit midnight and it was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders.

Nothing else changed except for the day (and I suppose the month and year) yet it made all the difference in the world. I wish I had a better explanation for it...and I wish I could figure out why I held on to all the negative feelings until that point in time. I'm not sure what the new year holds...maybe it will be good, maybe something really bad will happen. I have no clue (hopefully good things.) 

I don't really have a direction for the blog...because, as I mentioned, not too many people read here and it's not like I was aiming to have a lifestyle blog or running blog...or, God forbid, an effing fashion blog (ha! unless there's a niche for yoga pants wearing, ugg loving, sweatshirt obsessed fashion bloggers.) I only ever started this because I wanted to write. And I still do. Not in a professional sense, just for me. I'm hoping my writing will start to reflect more of the funny, random stuff going on in my head and less of what I've been actually writing about (when I've felt up to writing.)

I'm also still hopeful that this will be a good year. I'm not putting any pressure on myself to accomplish anything. I'm honestly hoping to just "be" for a year (though it's beyond tempting to sign up for something crazy, like a marathon.) I am keeping my eyes open for new opportunities...but if I'm still here doing the same thing next year, it's not the end of the world. Maybe it's just what I need.