I really wish I could see into the future. Will I get married? Will I ever own a home? Will I pay off my student loan? Will I ever have a non-entry-level job? Will I retire at a reasonable age? Will I accidentally get knocked up? Where will I live next? You get the picture.
Sure, I suppose it would take the element of surprise out of my life, but I'm okay with that. Maybe things wouldn't be as "fun" but to be honest, I don't think being in a constant state of flux is ever fun. Take dating, for example. A lot of people enjoy the "thrill of the chase." Personally, I've always hated it. I hate being all "OMGwhatdoesthismean!!??" over every little thing (which, is probably why I'm single.) Anyway, not that I think dating should be a business-like transaction, and I'm certainly not looking for anyone to put a ring on it (did I really just say that?) right away (because that would be weird.) but it would be nice knowing, for once, if something has a chance of going somewhere or if it's a dead-end and I should turn and run as fast as I can in the other direction.
The funny thing is (and maybe I've blogged about it before?) I'm not much of a day-to-day planner. I like having some sort of structure (and God knows I LOVE my lists) but, like, knowing I have to meet someone at 9:30 am for something is enough to send me into panic mode and make me not sleep at night. I get stabby if people I'm traveling with want a firm itinerary (why can't we just wait and see how we feel before we decide to go to place X at such and such a time?)
And, it's not just the insignificant things like traveling - life happens and sometimes planning stuff doesn't work. There are months and years where life keeps throwing one curve ball after another and they can derail the most solid of plans. I mean, it's great that I want to be married and retire early and travel a bit...but that may not happen and I need to be okay with that. In the words of Jack Johnson, "In times like these and in times like those, what will be will be, and so it goes."
This post is probably full of contradictions...but it's just been on my mind lately. Maybe I just need to learn to relax a little (or, maybe I need to be more of a planner.) I'm smart enough to know that life is complicated and never going to be perfect. I'm also smart enough to know that things may not happen the way I want them to, but may end up being just as good.
Maybe I just need to be patient? Maybe I want too much too soon and that's just not what the universe has in store for me. I have no idea. I'm sure I'll look back on this stage of my life one day and wonder why I was so worried/uptight/frustrated. The months and years are flying by, so it should be a big deal if it takes a few more years to get where I want to be. I suppose now would be an excellent time to learn the art of contentment and stop comparing myself to others (and where I think I should be, rather than where I actually am)
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