For the record, it's not that I've been unhappy lately, but something has felt really off and I haven't been able to pin-point it. For the last few weeks I've been questioning myself trying to figure it out - is it because it was my Dad's birthday? Is it because I'm tired? Is shark week approaching? Is it because the Dodgers got knocked out of the playoffs early? Do I miss my old life/friends in LA? Do I miss my family in San Diego? Is it because I'm hungry? Honestly, I still don't really know what the problem is/was.
What I do know is that it's going to be okay and that for whatever reason, working out makes me feel like I can face/take on the world again. Six years ago I thought that athletes/gym rats were crazy liars and that there was no possible way for exercise can really make a person happy (but six years ago the most exercise I got was lifting a wine glass, so there you go.) but I've discovered that running is the best medicine for me.
So, I guess this brings me to WrAbCrThFo Day 2 - I'm thankful for the ability to run and the role running has played in my life. Three years ago this weekend, I finished the NYC Marathon (an incredibly emotional experience...I was not prepared for all the crying after and it wasn't because I was in pain.) I didn't finish with the time I expected/wanted, but I finished something I thought was impossible. I've never really been coordinated/athletic and running was among my least favorite activities - it just felt so hard all of the time.
What's really funny is that despite my hatred of running, I was on the track team in high school for two years. The track team had an "open door" policy and anyone could join. I had several friends on the team and I saw it as a social opportunity (and, lets be honest, it was also an opportunity get out of class early on Thursday afternoons to go to meets.) My events were shot-put and discus because those were the events that required the least amount of running during practice (the warm-up laps everyone had to run at the beginning of each practice were torture.) Otherwise, I managed to avoid running for much of my teen and adult years.
However, everything changed in September of 2008 - I was not in a good place in my life at all. I was experiencing furloughs at work (really hard when you're single and supporting yourself on an already small salary,) stuck in a job I didn't love, in the middle of an unhealthy on-again/off-again relationship and busting my rear in grad school. I remember being so frustrated one Monday (it was a furlough day) because I had a two papers due the next day and just could not focus and get the words to come out on paper.
I really wanted to open a bottle of wine that September afternoon, but it was 2:00 in the afternoon (nothing wrong with day drinking - I heart day drinking, but this wasn't happy day drinking.) I finally told myself that I could open the bottle if I went to the gym. I really, really didn't feel like going to the gym, so I decided to take a walk instead. About 30 minutes in to my walk, I realized that it felt really easy and I wasn't getting much of a workout, so I decided to pick up the pace...and it was still too easy. So I did the unthinkable - I ran.
Actually, it was probably more of a shuffle/jog/walk (I was nearly 50 pounds overweight and hadn't run in years.) I could only manage to go in 30 second increments, but I did it and made it back home. I was exhausted by the time I got home (in a good way) and really didn't want the wine anymore. My head also felt more clear and I felt better than I had in months. From that point on, I forced myself to run any time I felt frustrated/sad/angry. Running after work eventually just became a habit. I started taking better care of myself and started to believe in myself like I never had before.
There's so much more to my running story (and congratulations if you're still reading my rambling!) but there's no possible way I could put it all into one post. I guess all of this was to say that I'm thankful for running and I'm not sure I want to know how my life would have turned out without it. Not every run is a good run and there are many days when my inherent laziness wants to take over because no matter how much I love running, I may love my couch more. However, it's one of my favorite things in life and I can't wait to get back out there all the way.
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