Snowflakery

One of my favorite phrases in the entire world is "Special Snowflake" Seriously. I use it all the time (at least once a day) and almost nothing warms my heart more than when I hear other people start to use it as well (this also applies to other terms and phrases like 'stabby' and 'what the actual fuck') 

Anyway, while I wouldn't use 'special snowflake' to describe myself yesterday, I would say I was having a 'sensitive snowflake' day. I can't find an official definition (because, you know, urban dictionary is the final authority) but I guess I would say it's when everything is "OMG this is the worst possible thing that could happen" applies to everything. Like, you put spilling your coffee on the same emotional plane as having to put your beloved cat down. The problem is, I seem to be having a lot more of those days lately and it's really starting to affect me.

I have yet to talk about depression on here - and I'm kind of wondering if I really should, because I just don't know if I want it living on the interwebs forever (the internets never forget!) It's probably bound to come out eventually and anyone who knows me well knows most of it...so I may as well just write about it (I love how I'm writing an internal argument with myself on my blog.) 

I won't go into all the details here (it would be several long blog posts) but I will say that when these episodes start happen, it always catches me off guard...because there doesn't seem to be a real, solid reason why it's happening (like, life is going good, there's no reason for this.)  Also, it's like I know in my head that I'm being overly sensitive and ridiculous about everything and that everything that's happening is just a normal part of life...but I just can't get stop the tears...or the need to remove myself from everyone for a bit. I hate it. I really do. Then, to top everything off, there's the feeling of guilt depression brings - people in the world have it much, much worse than I do, yet I'm sitting here, crying over nothing (also, I have a lot of difficulty sleeping when depression kicks in.)

In all honesty, most of the time I manage depression pretty well (though, I think I've been slacking lately.) I take medication (although, now that I think about it, I've been pretty hit-or-miss with it this month) I work out (less so recently with the injury) and I try to keep toxic people/things out of my life (thankfully, I have a group of really amazing friends who make my life really easy in this regard. Seriously, I can't say enough great things about them.) It's hard to talk about because I think people who have never experienced it quite literally think 'it's all in our heads' and 'we have the power to turn it around.' Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way (if only it did!) 

I hope today is a better day - just writing this out made me see that I haven't been taking care of myself recently (slacking with medication, exercise, overdoing it with work/social activities.) I can't believe I'm about to hit 'publish' on this...but I just needed to get it out. I know I will be okay and everything will work out the way it's supposed to in the end. I actually just feel like a bit of weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Hopefully I can follow this up with some fun/funny stuff, because this has been a drag lately (and I'm sure everyone is on the edge of their seats for the 'carcass mobile' post...which reminds me, I need to find pictures.) I also am determined to finish my WrAbCrThFo series - better late than never! (I guess it's now obvious as to why I haven't been keeping up...well, that and the fact that I really am busy at the moment.)

There really isn't an eloquent, articulate way to end this post...so...um, the end.