I tried to post six different times last night, but nothing felt right. When I started this blog, I wanted it to be an outlet and a place to just write about my life - the funny and important stories both past and present. What I didn't want it to be was a 'dear diary' journal and I certainly didn't want it to be a log of all of my problems/issues. Nobody needs to read about that - not even me. Yes, I'm in a funk right now, but I don't really want to plaster it all over the internet (beyond what I've already posted.)
I think we can all agree that I'm not exactly a 'ray of sunshine' and I tend to be on the 'glass is half-empty' side of things. I don't always think it's a bad thing (because it's really awesome when something works out better than you originally planned and you're not as disappointed when something turns out the way you think it will) but I hate how negative I've been lately and I certainly don't want to pass that along to others.
I also feel bad because I feel like I've withdrawn a bit lately and I know it has an affect on the people around me. A bad mood is like herpes - it spreads quickly and is hard make it go away (is there a cure for herpes? I'm too lazy to google it.) All I can do at this point is keep plugging away at trying to be a happier, healthier, more spiritual and giving person. Luckily, most of my friends aren't like me, so I can look to them for guidance, advice and cues. You know you have the right people in your life when they bring out the best in you and want nothing but good things for you (how many times can I use 'you' in a sentence? Three, apparently.)
I wasn't intending on this being a WrAbCrThFo post (although, it is Thanksgiving, so it should have been a priority.) But I have to say how grateful I am for my close friends. I'm not going to list them here or post about each one (it would take days) but I'm so grateful that I found a group that is kind, giving, hysterical and accepts me for who I am - lack of sunshine and all (they're mostly super-outgoing optimistic people...how I fit in, I'll never know.) I think we all balance each other out pretty well though. It's hard to find people you can trust and truly bond with, but it's not an issue with this group. So often, I hear about people having friend drama and I just can't relate. It really doesn't exist here and I can't tell you how happy that makes me.
This post turned out much different than I expected and thank God I never hit 'publish' last night. I know I'll be fine, everyone has ups and downs, highs and lows...I just happen to be a little low right now. I hope that there's nowhere to go but up. There have been so many times when I've looked back on my life and realized the reason why something didn't happen the way I thought it should (and the end result is usually much better than what I hoped for.) It just takes time and is rarely evident right away. Hopefully, next Thanksgiving, I can look back on the year and be thankful for what I'm going through right now. Life can change a lot (for the better) in a year and I'm hoping that's the case with me.
PS - my new phrase? "I'm not crying, my eyes are involuntarily leaking" I hate that I'm a crier. It sucks (and can be embarrassing...have you ever cried while watching 'Home Alone'? No? Consider yourself lucky) Also, I just want to set the record straight - Preparation H does nothing to help reduce eye swelling after crying (I got that little tidbit of advice, to use it, at my Dad's funeral.) Not only does it not reduce eye-swelling, but you have to actually go through the embarrassment of buying inflamed-ass-cream. Not worth it, dude (but I'm open to other advice.)
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